Endless Insomnia
Member
- Reaction score
- 50
Official Declaration of Hostilities
To: SEA — South Eastern Alliance
From: The Drylanders
Date: This very tide-turning day
Hear ye, hear ye, you salty seadogs of the South Eastern Alliance — consider this your official notice (folded, stamped, and buoyed): the Drylanders hereby declare WAR upon the SEA.
Grounds for complaint (aka reasons we’re making waves)
- You keep calling yourselves SEA — cute, but we prefer C. for “Coming.”
- Your fleet keeps getting salty while our morale stays unsinkable.
- You stole the last barrel of virtual rum from our scout (we demand a refund in clams).
- Most importantly: someone used the word “beach” as an insult. That’s low tide.
Terms of engagement (tongue firmly in cheek)
Our trebuchets will aim for your sandcastles; our rams will politely knock; our spies will send seagulls with taunting messages.
We will attempt at all times to avoid actual drowning — game rules, amirite? — but will mercilessly pillage pottery and pastries.
Puns will be deployed as psychological warfare. Expect waves of them. (Resistance is futile — like a ship with a hole.)
Demands (you have 24 hours, plus one tide)
- Return the rum. Two barrels if one of them is flavored.
- A formal apology in the form of a limerick signed by your admiral.
- One coastal village to be renamed “Seas the Day” in our honor. (We’re flexible on spelling.)
Surrender terms (optional, but classy)
- If you surrender politely, a mercy boat with pastries and a “You Shore Did Good” banner will be sent.
- If you refuse, prepare to be shorely defeated.
Warning (this is the serious part — sort of)
- We are prepared to launch an all-out assault consisting of: poorly timed puns, questionable battle cries, and at least one catapult full of coconuts.
- We will not stop until your flag reads “We Like Sand (Sometimes).”
So unfurl your sails, polish your anchors, and practice your best “Arrr” — you’ll need it.
Signed,
The Drylanders
(Also sending regards from: The Inland Raiders, The Mudflat Marauders, & Captain Plaice’s Misguided Armada)
P.S. If peace talks succeed, first item on the treaty will be a mandatory beach day — sunscreen and snacks provided. ️
To: SEA — South Eastern Alliance
From: The Drylanders
Date: This very tide-turning day
Hear ye, hear ye, you salty seadogs of the South Eastern Alliance — consider this your official notice (folded, stamped, and buoyed): the Drylanders hereby declare WAR upon the SEA.
Grounds for complaint (aka reasons we’re making waves)
- You keep calling yourselves SEA — cute, but we prefer C. for “Coming.”
- Your fleet keeps getting salty while our morale stays unsinkable.
- You stole the last barrel of virtual rum from our scout (we demand a refund in clams).
- Most importantly: someone used the word “beach” as an insult. That’s low tide.
Terms of engagement (tongue firmly in cheek)
Our trebuchets will aim for your sandcastles; our rams will politely knock; our spies will send seagulls with taunting messages.
We will attempt at all times to avoid actual drowning — game rules, amirite? — but will mercilessly pillage pottery and pastries.
Puns will be deployed as psychological warfare. Expect waves of them. (Resistance is futile — like a ship with a hole.)
Demands (you have 24 hours, plus one tide)
- Return the rum. Two barrels if one of them is flavored.
- A formal apology in the form of a limerick signed by your admiral.
- One coastal village to be renamed “Seas the Day” in our honor. (We’re flexible on spelling.)
Surrender terms (optional, but classy)
- If you surrender politely, a mercy boat with pastries and a “You Shore Did Good” banner will be sent.
- If you refuse, prepare to be shorely defeated.
Warning (this is the serious part — sort of)
- We are prepared to launch an all-out assault consisting of: poorly timed puns, questionable battle cries, and at least one catapult full of coconuts.
- We will not stop until your flag reads “We Like Sand (Sometimes).”
So unfurl your sails, polish your anchors, and practice your best “Arrr” — you’ll need it.
Signed,
The Drylanders
(Also sending regards from: The Inland Raiders, The Mudflat Marauders, & Captain Plaice’s Misguided Armada)
P.S. If peace talks succeed, first item on the treaty will be a mandatory beach day — sunscreen and snacks provided. ️
